What Should Queer Clients Ask a Potential Therapist?
Are you searching for a safe space as an LGBTQ+ person?
Finding the right LGBTQ+ therapist is essential to feeling safe and supported in therapy.
Choosing a therapist is always a big (and sometimes scary!) decision.
However, when you’re queer, you’re also juggling additional layers. You’re not just looking for someone with the right qualifications. You’re looking for someone who gets it. Someone who doesn’t shy away from the parts of your identity that have shaped your story—even the parts that have been judged, misunderstood, or politicized.
“Finding the right LGBTQ+ therapist matters for many reasons,” says Hayley Schlattman, MHC-LP, Psychotherapist at Well Psychotherapy.
“Especially as members of the queer community, we face enough isolation, judgement, and criticism on interpersonal, vocational, and societal levels; the right therapist will empathize and acknowledge these experiences openly in the room.”
In short, the right therapist will not just accept your identity; they will affirm it, understand it, and hold space for all the nuance that comes with it.
Why does finding the right LGBTQ+ therapist matter?
Therapy is a vulnerable process. It’s where you unravel the tangled stuff—identity, shame, relationships, mental health, trauma—and start putting it back together with a little more clarity and self-compassion. But that’s only possible if you feel safe enough to be honest.
And for queer clients, safety in therapy can’t be assumed.
“Additionally, you’re paying for this! Therapy is your time, your space, and your money, so you should find a therapist who feels like they are going to make all that time, energy, and money worth it for you,” says Schlattman.
It’s your space. You deserve to feel seen and supported in it.
“The right therapist should be there for you and your needs in therapy. They should be empathetic and genuine while also challenging you in a safe yet thought-provoking way,” reminds Schlattman.
And critically: “You want a therapist who supports your identity, whether it does or doesn’t align with their own, and isn’t afraid to discuss your identity with you in the therapeutic space.”
Yes, this feels like a lot of boxes to tick, but finding an LGBTQ therapist that suits your needs is very possible.
How do you find an LGBTQ friendly therapist?
It can feel overwhelming to start the search for an LGBTQ+ friendly therapist, especially if you’re in a place where you feel you need therapy.
The good news is that more therapists are actively naming their specialties and affirming their values, making it easier to find someone who aligns with yours.
“A great place to start is looking at your potential therapist’s therapy profiles,” recommends Schlattman.
Sites like Psychology Today and Open Path Collective let you filter by specialty, modality, and identities served. You can even look for specific training in queer and trans mental health.
“Therapists will usually specify what type of group they like to work with, whether that be adolescents, women, people of color, or members of the LGBTQ+ community,” says Schlattman.
When reading profiles, don’t just skim for the rainbow flag emoji. Look for therapists who show real fluency in working with queer and trans clients and who use inclusive, non-assumptive language.
“Recognizing a potential therapist’s niches can help you narrow down who might be a good fit for you; as you can also identify who specializes in working with the LGBTQ+ community and has experience working with queer issues, queer relationships, and systemic barriers affecting queer mental health,” says Schlattman.
What should you ask a potential therapist?
Once you’ve found someone who looks promising, don’t be afraid to ask questions before committing to a full session.
After all, therapy is collaborative, and that process starts by finding the right person for you. You’re not being picky; all therapists will understand that you just need reassurance that they are aligned with what you need.
Here are some thoughtful, identity-affirming questions you can ask:
What are your experiences working with members of the queer community?
(You can also be more specific — for example: working with bisexual men, trans women, nonbinary clients, or queer clients of color.)If you also identify as queer, are you comfortable sharing how that experience informs your work? Or what led you to want to work with the queer community?
How do you stay up to date on systemic or political issues that impact queer mental health?
(This could include anti-trans legislation, healthcare access, or intersectional discrimination.)What’s your therapeutic approach?
(This is helpful whether you're new to therapy or not — some people prefer structured CBT, others want something more exploratory or relational.)What does a typical session with you look like?
(Knowing what to expect can ease anxiety and help you decide if their style suits yours.)
These questions aren’t too much. Once again, you’re not being difficult. You’re doing your part to protect your peace, and that’s more than okay.
How do you know you’ve found the right therapist?
So you’ve gone to the intro session. Maybe even a few. How do you know it’s the right fit?
Therapy isn’t always easy. You might cry, feel awkward, or touch on painful things. But you should never feel judged, dismissed, or unsafe.
Signs you’ve found the right therapist
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“Therapy is uncomfortable, as it brings up raw emotions and acknowledges undesired thought processes within us,” says Schlattman.
“However, while therapy may be uncomfortable, it shouldn’t feel unsafe. Therapy is vulnerable and emotional, and the right therapist will allow you to feel those emotions free of judgment.”
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“Simultaneously, the right therapist will also challenge you to introspect and reflect on your experiences, emotions, and thoughts as well as external factors such as relationships, systemic barriers, societal expectations, and cultural contexts that may be influencing your well-being,” advises Schlattman.
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“While they challenge you, the right therapist will respect your boundaries and personal goals in therapy. The right therapist will address your discomfort with warmth and genuine curiosity,” says Schlattman.
“Additionally, they will balance challenging you and engaging you in thought-provoking sessions, listening to your needs, and letting you process your emotions as raw and unfiltered as you need.”
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“Therapists are here to support you! If you don’t feel heard in your sessions, it’s okay to seek out another therapist who might be a better fit for you,” says Schlattman.
The right therapist will create space for you to be honest, even about the fact that it’s not working. That, too, is part of healing.
Is Well Psychotherapy the right place for me?
If you’re looking for affirming, inclusive care that honors all parts of your identity, Well Psychotherapy might be a good match.
“Well is a great place for therapy! We prioritize mental well-being with affordable care,” says Schlattman.
“We have multiple queer therapists who specialize in queer mental health with their own specialties added into the mix — myself included! Specialties such as relationships, trauma, and working through oppressive systemic barriers affecting overall mental health and well-being. We offer sliding scales and balance challenge with compassion. We don’t shy away from the hard conversations and support you through the complex emotions that come with the daily struggle.”
You deserve a therapist who makes you feel safe, understood, and fully yourself. Ask the questions. Trust your gut. And remember that therapy, the right therapy, can be one of the most affirming tools on your healing journey.
