5 Common Anxiety Patterns That We Typically Overlook
Think anxiety only looks like panic attacks?
Discover subtle anxiety patterns you might be missing, plus expert tips on what to do about them.
When we think about anxiety, we often imagine racing thoughts, sweaty palms, or panic attacks.
But anxiety isn’t always loud.
Sometimes, it disguises itself in everyday behaviors that look like productivity, people skills, or personality quirks.
As Vidisha Goyal, Psychotherapist, MHC-I at Well Psychotherapy NYC, explains, “A lot of people picture anxiety as panic attacks or spiraling thoughts, but in reality, it often shows up in really quiet, everyday ways.”
So what does anxiety actually look like, and why do so many of us miss the signs?
What is anxiety?
Anxiety is a natural human response to stress or perceived danger. It activates the body’s fight-or-flight response, which can be useful in short bursts—but becomes overwhelming when it’s chronic or unacknowledged.
According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), anxiety disorders are the most common mental health concern in the U.S., affecting over 30% of adults at some point in their lives. But not all anxiety is diagnosed, or even recognized, with many people brushing off their anxious tendencies are something that is just ‘part of their personality’.
What does anxiety actually look like?
While some anxiety symptoms are easy to spot, such as panic attacks, restlessness, or sleep issues, many others fly under the radar.
“These patterns are easy to miss because they’re so normalized—or even rewarded,” says Goyal.
5 subtle anxiety patterns we tend to overlook
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“Perfectionism is a big one,” says Goyal. “It can look like being 'high-achieving’ on the surface, but underneath it’s a fear of failure or disappointing others.”
Research shows that perfectionistic tendencies are strongly linked to anxiety disorders, especially when self-worth is tied to achievement.
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“Constantly saying yes, avoiding conflict, needing to be liked—it often stems from anxiety around rejection or not feeling safe to assert boundaries,” says Goyal.
People-pleasing often comes from a fawn response, a lesser-known trauma response where appeasing others feels like the safest way to stay connected or avoid danger. -
“I also see anxiety in overplanning and overpreparing,” says Goyal. “It can feel like a need for control, but what’s actually happening is a fear of uncertainty.”
Planning isn’t inherently bad, but when it becomes compulsive, it may be a sign you’re trying to manage inner chaos by controlling your environment.
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“And then there’s procrastination, which is often misread as laziness,” Goyal adds. “But it can be driven by anxiety about not being good enough or getting things wrong.”
Studies show that procrastination is closely linked with avoidance-based coping, especially in people with social or performance anxiety. -
“There’s this idea of high-functioning anxiety,” Goyal says. “Someone is doing well on paper but internally feels on edge all the time.”
Because performance remains intact, both individuals and those around them may miss the signs. But the internal cost—chronic tension, fatigue, self-doubt—can be high.
“Since they’re still performing, people around them don’t realize they’re struggling—and neither do they, sometimes. These patterns don’t fit the typical picture of anxiety, so they get mislabeled as personality traits or dismissed altogether.”
Why do people overlook these anxiety patterns?
“Honestly, a lot of them are culturally reinforced,” says Goyal. “Being organized, agreeable, 'on top of things'—we don’t question those traits, even when they’re rooted in anxiety.”
In many workplaces and communities, behaviors driven by anxiety, like perfectionism or people-pleasing, are not only accepted but praised. This makes it harder to recognize when these habits are taking a toll on our well-being.
How can you handle these patterns more effectively?
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“One thing that helps is just slowing down and asking: Why am I doing this?” says Goyal. “If you’re planning every detail of your day, is it because it helps you stay focused, or because the idea of not planning makes you anxious?”
Practicing mindful awareness can help distinguish helpful habits from fear-based patterns.
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“You can also pay attention to how your body feels when you say yes to something you didn’t want to do, or when you avoid a task,” says Goyal.
This is where somatic awareness comes in—your body often senses anxiety before your mind does. Signs like chest tightness, stomach tension, or a lump in the throat can be early red flags.
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“Journaling helps too—especially if you reflect on patterns like avoiding things, people-pleasing, or needing control,” says Goyal.
A helpful journaling prompt: What am I afraid might happen if I don’t do this perfectly or say yes?
Can therapy help with anxiety?
“Therapy can be a space where you untangle all of these patterns that have felt like 'just how I am,’” says Goyal.
“A good therapist can help you see that perfectionism or avoidance isn’t just a personality quirk—it’s a way you’ve learned to manage anxiety.”
In therapy, you can explore the function of these behaviors and learn healthier, more flexible ways to cope. Techniques like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or somatic therapy are especially helpful for managing anxiety symptoms.
How do I know if I need therapy?
“A lot of people wait until things feel unbearable before reaching out for support,” Goyal says.
“But therapy doesn’t have to be a last resort. It can be a really powerful tool even when things are ‘fine.’”
If anxiety-driven patterns are impacting your relationships, productivity, or sense of peace, it may be time to explore support. Therapy isn’t about hitting a breaking point—it’s about honoring your mental health at any point.
Ready to Explore Therapy?
If you recognize yourself in any of these patterns, you’re not alone, and you don’t have to figure it out by yourself.
At Well Psychotherapy NYC, we offer compassionate, collaborative support to help you untangle anxiety and build a more grounded relationship with yourself.
