Is there truth in “everything happens for a reason”?
Is this theory helpful or harmful?
People might throw about the phrase ‘everything happens for a reason’ but does it offer any solace?
Laura Caruso weighs in on this age-old theory and if there’s any benefits.
The phrase "everything happens for a reason" is one that many of us cling to in times of hardship. It promises that life’s challenges have a higher purpose, offering comfort during our most difficult moments. But does it hold any truth, or could this mindset actually be harmful?
We spoke with expert therapist Laura Caruso to explore the psychological impacts of this belief and whether it truly helps or hinders healing.
What does everything happens for a reason mean?
At first glance, the idea that everything has a purpose can be reassuring, especially when we face life's toughest challenges.
This phrase stems from our need to create meaning in a chaotic world. "From a therapeutic lens, 'everything happens for a reason' reflects our desire to give structure to painful events," says Laura Caruso, LMHC, Founder & Psychotherapist.
Research explains that after distressing events, people often seek meaning to regain a sense of control over their lives. As Caruso puts it, it’s about saying, "This hardship must serve a higher purpose," even if we can’t yet see what that purpose is.
In many ways, it’s an emotional coping mechanism—one that helps us feel like our pain matters in the grand scheme of things.
Why do people say everything happens for a reason?
Studies show that when we experience trauma, our brains instinctively try to find a purpose for the pain, often as a way to help us make sense of what feels senseless.
“Psychologically, this mindset is tied to meaning-making, which is our brain’s way of processing and organizing information after a distressing or life-altering experience.
“For some people, this belief feels grounding. It allows them to find peace in uncertainty or to trust that their current circumstances are part of a larger plan they can’t yet see.”
This belief is also woven into our cultural fabric. We hear it in spiritual teachings, movies, and self-help books, reinforcing the idea that there’s a grand master plan. While this can be comforting, Caruso highlights the potential downside:
"For some, it’s a way of avoiding emotional pain by rushing to find a silver lining," she warns.
The psychology behind this phrase is rooted in something called meaning-making. When faced with distress or trauma, our brains instinctively try to make sense of what happened. "It’s a psychological need to believe that life’s events have a purpose," Caruso explains. "For some, it’s about finding peace in uncertainty or trusting that current struggles are part of a bigger plan.”
This belief is also woven into our cultural fabric. We hear it in spiritual teachings, movies, and self-help books, reinforcing the idea that there’s a grand master plan. While this can be comforting, Caruso highlights the potential downside: "For some, it’s a way of avoiding emotional pain by rushing to find a silver lining," she warns.
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This is particularly relevant in a relationship context, especially if someone is looking for comfort after a break-up.
“I once worked with a client who had just gone through a painful breakup. She kept saying, “Maybe this is happening for a reason,” even though she wasn’t sure what that reason was. For her, it was less about the truth of the phrase and more about what it gave her—a sense of comfort and a framework to process something that felt senseless,” explains Caruso.
“Sometimes the belief that there’s a 'reason' behind our pain gives us just enough stability to keep moving forward. It softens the edges of heartbreak, even if it’s only temporary. It offers hope that something meaningful might come from the mess, which shifts the intention behind the phrase from an objective truth to a symbolic representation of resilience, purpose, and the human need to believe that suffering isn’t meaningless.”
Is there any evidence that everything happens for a reason?
The scientific community doesn’t back the idea that life follows a predetermined script.
While fate or divine meaning may resonate on a personal level, there’s no empirical evidence proving that "everything happens for a reason."
However, Caruso points out that meaning-making itself has psychological benefits. "Finding meaning can help people move from a place of helplessness to one of resilience. But it’s crucial that meaning is discovered at the right time." This aligns with Barbara Fredrickson’s (2013) work on toxic positivity, where well-meaning phrases can diminish the emotional depth of an experience, forcing individuals into premature optimism and preventing them from fully processing their emotions.
Telling someone in crisis that "everything happens for a reason" can feel dismissive, especially if the person isn’t ready to process their emotions. “It can invalidate their experience,” Caruso explains. So while the belief can offer hope, it must be introduced gently and with understanding.”
How does it affect people dealing with trauma, grief, or failure?
For individuals grappling with trauma, grief, or failure, phrases like "everything happens for a reason" can often feel like an emotional bypass. Rather than allowing individuals the space to feel sadness, anger, or confusion, it pushes them to find a positive spin too quickly.
“When it’s said too soon or without compassion, it can feel dismissive rather than helpful. That’s why it’s important to understand not just what this phrase means, but also how and when it’s used.”
When we’re in the throes of grief or facing a failure, we often just need to be heard. Being told that there's a higher purpose behind our suffering can inadvertently shut down the messy emotions that are essential for healing.
“People in pain need validation, not a reason,” says Caruso.
“They need space to feel angry, heartbroken, or confused without being rushed into silver linings. Meaning can come later, but only after we’ve honored the full spectrum of emotion.”
What’s more helpful than believing everything happens for a reason?
Instead of rushing to find meaning, a better approach is to allow emotions to unfold naturally.
Here are a few more supportive reframes that can help someone feel validated during tough times:
"You don’t need to make sense of this right now. You’re allowed to just feel."
"Hard things can shape us, even if they don’t happen for a reason."
"There’s no timeline for healing. Meaning can come later—or not at all."
These statements honor the emotional complexity of difficult experiences and offer space for healing, without forcing immediate resolutions.
How can therapy help with this process?
Therapy can be a valuable tool in exploring these emotions and finding authentic meaning.
“Therapy offers a space to explore these perspectives,” says Caruso.
“It helps people move away from forced positivity and toward authentic processing. Together, we explore grief, confusion, and resilience—not by assigning arbitrary meaning, but by slowly uncovering what the experience has meant to them.”
While "everything happens for a reason" may offer comfort in moments of distress, it can also inadvertently delay the emotional healing process. Finding meaning can be an important part of recovery, but it needs to happen at the right time and in the right way.
Therapy offers a supportive environment for this process, encouraging emotional authenticity without forcing a predetermined conclusion.
So, while there may be no definitive "reason" behind everything that happens in life, there is always the opportunity for personal growth and healing—if we allow ourselves the time and space to truly feel and process.
